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DEALING WITH OFFENCE
‘Muyiwa Omole
Offence is part of life.
Jesus taught us that it is
inevitable
Then He said to the
disciples, ‘It is impossible
that no offence should
come’ – Luke 17:1
Offence will always come.
We will all have the opportunity to be offended.
As Christians we are to
learn not to give offence, take offence or keep it.
Offence is a terminator.
It has disqualified many from fulfilling destiny. It has terminated many out of the purpose of
God for them.
Cain, Ahitophel, Absalom, John the Baptist, Judas
Iscariot… are all examples of men who pursued offence to their own chagrin
In Mathew 24:10, the Word of God says:
And then many will be offended,
will betray one
another and will hate one
another
Did you take note of the
downward spiral in this verse
·
Offended
·
Betray
·
Hate (Hatred = Murder – Read
I John 3:15)
The seed of offence guarantees that you will become a
betrayal and will lead to murder or suicide, except it is uprooted and dealt with.
Evidences Abound
Cain for instance was offended that God accepted his
brother’s (Abel) sacrifice. He took
offence, kept offence and pursued it until he killed his brother and thus
terminated himself out of purpose.
Ahitophel is another example. Ahitophel was a man of politic thinking but
he allowed offence to cloud his judgment.
How was Ahitophel offended? He
was offended by David’s adultery with his grand-daughter (Bath-Sheba was
Ahitophel’s grand-daugther – Read 2 Samuel 11:3; 23:34)
Ahitophel took offence and kept it until Absalom, David’s
son, rebelled against his father.
Ahitophel used the medium to plot against David. When it was clear to
Ahitophel that the rebellion would fail “…
He put his household in order, and hanged himself and died” (II Samuel
17:23)
We have learnt from the stories of Cain and Ahitophel
that offence leads to murder or suicide.
They confirm the downward spiral in Mathew 24:10.
Cain → offended
→ betrayed Abel → committed
murder
Ahitophel→ offended
→ betrayed David → committed
suicide
What about John the Baptist?
John the Baptist was the forerunner of our Lord Jesus
Christ. His primary assignment was to
come and “prepare the way of the Lord.” He declared openly that Jesus must increase
and he must decrease (John 3:30). But
when he was arrested and imprisoned by Herod, he sent men to Jesus to ask if he
was the Christ. He was offended by the fact that Jesus knew he was in prison
and did not come to visit him or even make any attempt to bail him out.
John the Baptist knew Jesus well. He knew Jesus was the Messiah, so sending men
to ask if He was the Messiah was a way of expressing his displeasure and
disappointment over Jesus’ ‘indifference’ to his incarceration.
In response to this, Jesus said “… Blessed is he who is not offended because of me” (Mathew
11:6). He said further that the least in
the kingdom of God
Great peace have they
which love thy law:
And nothing shall offend
them
Psalm 119:165 (KJV)
What ended the life of
John the Baptist? He was beheaded,
confirming again, the downward spiral of Mathew 24:10
HOW NOT TO HANDLE OFFENCE
There are several options open to a person who has been
hurt. One is that they can continually
begin to mull over the situation in their minds and let the hurt get
worse. The problem is that the more the
conscious mind rehearses the offence or offences, the more the unconscious mind
gets infected with the poison of unforgiveness.
Another thing that happens is that they try to bury the
hurt. They build up psychological
defence mechanism on the inside, both mentally and emotionally. These negative thought pattern (strongholds)
promise to protect a person from getting hurt again. For example, ‘I’ll never get involved with a woman again.’, ‘He let me down badly. I’ll
never do business with his sort again.’
Rationally these defences make sense but that which is built up to
defend, quickly becomes a stronghold that imprisons.
Another option is revenge! They decide to deal with the people who have
hurt them by hurting them back. And if
they are really hurt, they then try to hurt the offender before the offender
gets a chance to hurt them again. This
way of thinking becomes a stronghold that can appear to provide ‘safe’ distance
from others. Sometimes in marriages, that
are struggling, one partner will try to hurt the other because they don’t want
to get hurt themselves.
However, the bottom line with all these options is that
on the inside a person becomes bitter.
God’s heart is that we don’t get bitter, we get better. That is the Christian option. You don’t stay hurt, you don’t stay offended,
you get healed.
The writer of Hebrews says this:
See to it
that no one comes short of the grace of God:
that no root
of bitterness springing up causes trouble,
and by it
many be defiled
Hebrews 12:15 (NASB)
So the root of bitterness:
·
springs up
·
causes trouble
·
defiles
·
causes one to come short of the grace of God
The grace of God has been described as the “undeserved
favour of God”. What might be the
implication of coming short of God’s undeserved favour? I am sure you don’t want to experience it.
HOW TO HANDLE HURTS AND OFFENCE
·
Repent – If you are the offender, seek first the forgiveness
of God (I John 1:9) and of your brother (Mathew 5:23 – 24). If you are the offended and you have been
harbouring bitterness, you need to repent also and ask God to give you the
grace to forgive and release.
·
Forgive - Forgiveness is not a special gift for some selected
few. Forgiveness is a choice. You choose to forgive and depend on the
Spirit to help you.
·
Love – Love covers multitude of sin (I Pet. 4:8). Learn to look over offence (Proverbs
19:11). Don’t dwell on it.
·
Restore: Go to your
brother privately and humbly to settle things (Mathew 18:15) (See the article:
5 Principles for Resolving Conflicts on page 3 for more on this)
Remember that offence is a terminator. Don’t take offence. Don’t keep offence. Don’t give offence. If you would ask John the Baptist, he would
tell you that to be offended is to be beheaded.
Watch out!
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