Impact Magazine

5 PRINCIPLES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT

(Gleaned from Mathew 18:15)

                        If your brother sins against you, go and show

                         him his fault just between the two of you.

                        If he listens to you, You have won your brother over

                                                                                                  Mathew 18:15 (NIV)

            Offence is inevitable.  The Bible says offence will always come.  As Christians we need to learn how to resolve an offence before it becomes destructive in our lives.

            There are five laws, when applied that will assist us in resolving our offences.  In Mathew 18:15, Jesus outlined a procedure for restoring relationships between Christians who are at odds with each other.

            Let’s see the laws:

If your brother sins against you –              Law of Sensitivity

Go and show him his fault –                       Law of Honesty

Just between the two of you –                    Law of Privacy

If he listens to you –                                    Law of Responsibility

You have won your brother over –           Law of Victory

                       

1.         “… if your brother sins against you”.

                        The Law of Sensitivity

            How do we judge if we’re really been offended?  This is a call to assess if we have truly been sinned against or whether we are just being over-sensitive.  Just because you don’t approve of someone’s actions doesn’t mean he has actually sinned.  Sin means that someone has violated Scripture and offended God.  We need to let the word of God set our sensitivity level and response to the actions of others.

2.         “Go and tell him his fault”

                        The Law of Honesty

                        We need to be honest with ourselves and with those who have offended us.  We need to learn how to confront one another in the spirit of humility, love and gentleness.  Not as one who is morally superior, but as one who sincerely cares, recognizing your own fallibility and capacity for sin.

            It is both dishonest and dangerous to pretend that we are not offended.  If a valid issue has come up, we should approach our offender.

            The Bible says:

            Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed

                                                                                                            Proverbs 27:5 (NKJV)

            Pretending that we are not hurt or ignoring them only creates hot zone of pent up emotions where viral bitterness and an epidemic of unforgiveness can break out.

            Conflict is part of life and cannot be avoided.  Nevertheless, people can learn how to tell each other how they feel, what they want, and what they think.  This needs not be done with a critical confrontation that stimulates anger.  Instead, the truth can be spoken gently and in love.  When we learn to communicate honestly there is a prevention and destruction of further offence.

3.         “Just between the two of you”

                                    The Law of Privacy

            We need to keep others out of the process of resolution.  Clearly, anyone will be more open and teachable when confronted gently in privacy.  Gossip and tale bearing may masquerade as something more refined like “sharing” or a “prayer request”, but they are both still sinful (II Corinthians 12:20). Violating the Law of Privacy may be a greater sin than the original offence because it multiplies the problem throughout the body and opens the door to division.

4.         “if he hears you”

                                    The Law of Responsibility

            This law raises the issue of our responsibility to listen when we are confronted.  You owe your brother that responsibility.  Your healing, both yours and your brother’s, depend on it.  This will help the process as forgiveness will extend between the parties and the relationship will be saved.  If your words are ignored, take it to the Lord in prayer and try another approach.  But don’t forget, The Law of Responsibility demands that we be active listeners in our relationships

5.         “… you have won your brother.”

                                    The Law of Victory

            Finally, the last law is The Law of Victory.  The goal of honest confrontation is to restore your relationship with your brother and not to further damage it.

            Note:  Victory is not putting people in their place, its winning them back as a brother by speaking the truth in love.